The Maturity of Peace and Patience

Every part of the Fruit of the Spirit serves a purpose. Each attribute stands alone while simultaneously depending on its counterparts in such a way we will only begin to understand in this life.  But one thing is certain…. you cannot bear just part of the fruit, if you have surrendered your life to Christ then you bear the WHOLE fruit.

Have you ever seen an apple tree produce just apple peels? Or an avocado tree produce just large brown pits?

No.  Of course not.

There are many parts of a fruit, each with a role to play and functioning together to create the whole fruit.  The peel, pulp, juice, seeds, stems etc. all make up one fruit and the Fruit of the Spirit is no different.  We have already gone over love and joy and today I want to focus on two other parts so enmeshed it is easy to take them in as one and that would be peace and patience.

Why do these two attributes of the Spirit get combined so often?  Because, in this complicated life, we are always requiring patience. Without it you will never have peace, and more peace will always give way to more patience.  You see why they are so connected?

Let’s look at some scripture…

Romans 14:19- "Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to

peace and to mutual edification"

John 14:27- "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid". 

John 16:33- "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Proverbs 15:18- "A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel"

Romans 12:12- "Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer".

James 5:7-8: "Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the Lord's coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the autumn and spring rains. You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord's coming is near". 

I find it interesting that peace is depicted as a gift and outcome while patience is a practice, but both are in the fruit of the spirit. 

Peace is defined as a state of harmony, often defined as the absence of conflict and violence while patience is defined as the ability to tolerate obstacles without becoming angry or upset.

Patience creates peace and more peace leads to more patience.  Patience is always inward, but peace can be created and given.  You can think of these two as best friends.  One never goes anywhere without the other.  Distinct, but inseparable.

How can you lead your youth in peace and patience?

Raising up pre-teens, teens and young adults is no joke and I truly believe there are few other times in your life that this degree of patience and your ability to seek and find peace will ever be in such high demand. 

There are 3 things to keep in mind that will help you not only lead, but teach and pass on peace and the practice of patience as well.

1. Only speak when calm.

I have 4 daughters that are all between 16 and 20, so there are a LOT of opportunities for speaking while deep in an emotional spiral in my house. However, I learned a long time ago that it is never worth it and hardly ever works in your favor.  Now, in full disclosure that knowledge doesn’t stop me 100% of the time, but most of the time (I am a human after all and not perfect).

What happens when we speak in a high emotional state?

• Your frontal lobe is not fully, if at all, online which means that you have at least two brains arguing that are not working at full capacity. One is not fully developed and the other has an “out of order” sign on the logical thinking door.  Reasoning, cost/benefit analysis, forecasting outcomes and good judgement are all out the window and that is a recipe for a guaranteed outcome that is not optima for anyone.
• You are not teaching the child you are being an example to a path toward regulating emotions and thinking clearly. Speaking through high emotions makes everything feel like it is right now, all or nothing, self-focused and fight, flight, freeze or fawn.  Compassion has left the building. 

This is not what you want to teach and not what you want your relationship to be built on.

(for more details see ’Courageous Conversations’)

2. Learn how to self-regulate when overstimulated.

What brings you back from the edge?  I am a person who is very sensitive to sound.  The slightest nail bite, dog lick, chew or repeated small sound can set me on edge, but sound is also a rescue for me.  A good set of headphones with rain sounds, piano, bagpipes (yep, bagpipes), drumbeats or worship music can lower my blood pressure and help my brain come back online. 

Being in nature with the sun on my face, the grass or sand under my feet and watching water, wind, birds or anything in God’s creation can set my perspective on things outside of my situation and help me understand the whole world isn’t in turmoil. 

Finding those healthy coping mechanisms for yourself is essential to have and to model.  It isn’t about escapism, running away, violent explosions or temporarily covering up an issue with drugs, alcohol, or another form of dopamine machine… it is about a healthy perspective shift, deep breaths and getting on level ground again. 

When you can do and model this, your child will learn to follow and you can help guide them to their healthy coping mechanisms too.

3. Be sure to have a daily, predictable routine to ground yourself in that includes things that are bigger than your situation.

Every morning, I get up and start the day with my bible study and journaling.  The bible study gives me perspective, wisdom, guidance and boundaries while my journal writing is a place to let everything go and expose what is in my head and heart to the light and test it against truth.  It is much easier to spot a lie when it is written in front of you rather than hiding in the corner of your thoughts.  There are no rules in my journal, just let it out and tell God.  As I write my daily letter to Him I am praying, arguing, confused, asking questions, praising, worshipping and in all ways untangling the spaghetti mess of my mind. 

Life has a LOT going on and enough spontaneity and unexpected in this season.  What I need is something I can rely on each day that will set me up, put me together and hold me tight.

I also move my body every morning which helps wake up my brain and metabolism with intentional exercise. 

Whatever your grounding routine is, share that with your kids and/or students and encourage them to create one as well.  This is a way for them to step outside of their corner of the world and see that they are loved, protected, and cared for by a God that will never leave their side and wants them to choose Him.  When they can go into a day with that kind of confidence, they will be able to practice patience at a whole other level and gain peace in situations that they never would have before.

I saw something recently that said:

“Obedience is your responsibility

The outcome is God’s”

This helped me let go of a breath I didn’t even know I was holding.  I can only do what I can do… even when I desperately want to do and be more. I don’t have to carry the weight of outcomes on my shoulders.

I hear people say all the time that they do not have patience, but what that really means is that they don’t practice patience and because of that, peace seems like a far-off fairytale. I promise you; you are capable and equipped and peace and patience are ready and waiting for you.  Seek it. Choose it.