The Maturity of Love

We are in a series all about maturity, what it actually is and how we can foster it in the youth we love and serve.  (Be sure to visit Part 1of this series and recap how maturity is first an outcome of discipline before it can ever be an input of character). 

We are starting with one of the most profound gifts we were ever given by our Father… love.  Because it is one of God’s greatest gifts, it is also one of the most attacked by the enemy. 

What Is and Isn’t Love

When you look up the google definition of love today you get the word “complex” before you are even 4 words in.  But does it have to be?  We humans have sure tried to make it complex, especially in the last century, but thankfully we don’t have to wonder, speculate or make up what love is because it is already defined for us.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 says- Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Let’s look at this definition more concisely red light/green light style…

Love IS patient and kind, rejoices with truth and always protects, trusts, hopes and perseveres. 

Love does NOT envy, boast, become proud, dishonor others, seek selfish endeavors, get easily angered, keep a record of wrongs or delight in evil.

When you look at this list, 1 John 4:8 makes so much more sense,

 “Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love”

You notice in 1 Corinthians how there are more “no’s” than “yes’s”?  I have to wonder if it is because God knew this would be a sticky subject that we would make complex.  Much like “do not fear” and “do not be afraid” are some of the most repeated phrases in the bible as well as insight about money and pride.  These would be some of our most common struggles.  It is interesting to me that humanity would relentlessly attempt to make something as beautiful as love into a fun house mirrored imposter that is limitlessly complicated and unclear.  But, that is so often what happens when discernment and discipline are taken off the table, isn’t it? (picture the chaos of a 3 year old classroom when the teacher steps out)

Love, above all, has to be used, fostered and taught to our upcoming generations.  The finger pointing, hate, divisiveness, distraction and dilution bait that the enemy is pouring into this world like chum for the frenzy is absolutely working. 

Love is not activism.  It is not political.  It is not a statement piece or a reason for hostility.  It is the connection between people.

Choosing love is hard.  I have been there in my own life many times when I have had to see God’s love for people above my own pain from them or above the propaganda that is being pushed or the rumors being circulated. 

When I wanted to run away, I let God direct my steps back. 

When I had to forgive and see God’s love for someone that my flesh would never forgive.

When I saw people hurt my own children and I had to see past their actions and into their own hurting and/or naive hearts to be able to love and guide them. 

When someone came into our small town recently and wreaked havoc on our peace, I needed to open my heart to see his pain and confusion and pray for his salvation.   (I would highly recommend finding a little time to watch the daughter of one of the shooting victims at a vigil just 6 days after the shooting in our town.  This is love.)

Love is forgiveness.  Love is sacrifice.  Love is obedience.  Love is mature.  Love is calm in the storm

How can you lead your youth in love?

We have to love others first, even in the sin and pain, hard and hurt.  Every person is a beloved creation of Christ that at some point was trying to do the best they could.  Some people will be SO hard to love…  love them anyway.

                        Matthew 22:39 says- “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

Who is our neighbor?  Simply put… everyone.

Even the kid that ignores me?  Yes.  What are they distracting with? Be kind.

Even the kid that is rude to me, yells at me and tries to hurt me? Yes.  What is hurting them?  You need to ask and be patient and ready for the answer.

Even the kid who is going against everything I have taught them and I have exhausted myself in reaching out?  Yes.  Jesus has not given up on you and you can persevere through His strength, not your own.  Rejoice in the truth and do not grow weary.  Read Galatians 6:9 over and over.  You are not alone and I see you.

Even the child that wants nothing to do with me?  Yes.  Protect them with persistent prayer and be available and willing when they are ready.  You can reach out even when they don’t reach back.  They will know you are there.

Even the child that keep lying?  Yes.  Find ways to grow trust in even the smallest areas and always trust that they are doing the best they can with what they have at the moment.  Remember adolescence is a complicated time for brains, bodies and making sense of the world.  It is also different for every person.  Trust and hope in the possibilities even when the now is hard.

Love never gives up.  It always perseveres.  We, in our human weakness, are the ones that throw in the towel, give up on disciplining our emotions and make love complicated and twisty.  Our flesh redefines, our spirits conform because it is easier than confronting and we get ensnared in the webs of very personalized lies being meticulously crafted by the enemy to take us away from God.  That is his only objective.  We must be aware and alert (1 Peter 5:8-9).

One of the biggest tragedies is when someone goes their entire life without knowing how to love and be loved in return.  Love is a gift given and learned.  It is shared by the those of influence in a child’s life toward them and around them and then, prayerfully, fostered in them so they learn how to wield and share it themselves.

Be the leader that walks in love, teaches love and then gets to watch it mature and be the fruit that then gives seeds to those around them.

Another version of 1 Corinthians 13:7 says, “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things”

THAT is love.  It is choice, discernment, discipline, obedience.  It will bear the weight of every circumstance, believe in what can seem impossible, hope in what is to come and endure every battle along the way.  It is leadership and vision, parenting and purpose.  Love stays when the flesh wants to leave and sometimes love leaves when the flesh wants to stay. 

In the first part of a child’s life we walk this path for them and in the second part of childhood we walk it with them as we escort each one into their own story. 

Life is complicated, love is not.