The Maturity of Self-Control

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it". – Proverbs 4:23

How do you guard your heart? 

The same way you practice love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, gentleness and faithfulness…. through the ninth and final piece of the fruit, self-control.

Self-control, or often referred to as self-discipline, is the cornerstone of it all.  This is about what you choose.

Choose Christ.

Choose to love.

Choose to seek and hold joy.

Choose peace.

Choose patience.

Choose to let His goodness indwell in you and be louder than your own flesh.

Choose to be kind.

Choose to be gentle.

Choose to seek, build and share faithfulness.

Choose to be disciplined in your choices.

Self-control is the final door discernment must pass through before it transforms into an action you introduce yourself as to the world. 

Without discernment there is no self-control.

What is discernment?

It is the ability to judge well and make sound decisions blending insight, wisdom, faith, truth and careful evaluation of the details, motives, and situations to distinguish truth from lie or good from bad.  This leads to more purposeful choices in life. Sounds like maturity doesn’t it?

Developing this takes time and involves reflection, organizing information, understanding context, spiritual guidance, moving beyond impulsive reactions to a more thoughtful, informed understanding.  It is for doing what is right over what is easy.  Discernment builds trust in self and others in you. 

This is what it all comes down to.  Self-discipline, brought about by discernment, is absolutely necessary to have the life God designed for you and only you.  Plain and simple.

You need to know:

1. Who to have accountability of your thoughts to (Jesus is always my vote)
2. Your core values
3. Your identity in Christ and who you are called to become so you can move in that direction with your choices.

We are always becoming.  The question is who?

2 Timothy 1:7 says, “For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline”.

How can you lead and teach youth in self-control?

Two main ingredients are required:

1. Make sure you are demonstrating and regularly practicing self-control in your own life and talk about it.
2. Give them responsibilities and opportunities to practice self-control!

Here are some practical ways to let this happen:

• “Responsibilities before recreation”. This is an often practiced and repeated phrase in our home literally daily. I picture when my girls are old and gray, they will have a good laugh about how mom used to say this all the time as they repeat it in unison with eyes rolled back in their heads.

• Give them small, accumulating and age-appropriate, doses of responsibility at a time and see how they handle the pressures and practice the disciplines. You may need to reign them in, stay steady for a while or give them more. Observe, support and guide.  This responsibility can be physical (like a chore), mental (like a choice or watching a little sibling), emotional (like having a hard conversation) or even spiritual (like serving, praying over the family or daily quiet time or devotion)

• Watch or talk about shows together about what is going on and the choices the characters are making, good or bad. Remember “after school specials” growing up that were littered with cautionary stories about teenage pregnancy, drugs, alcohol, drinking and driving, bullying etc.? Well, they are still on today, but they are disguised as main stream entertainment. Use those stories to open the can on these discussions that can be awkward or difficult to otherwise bring up.  You can have them practicing discernment, growing wisdom and exercising self-control before a situation in life even presents itself.  This is also true of classmates, family or even your own stories you can share with them as well.  Stories teach.

• TALK about discernment, self-control, following Christ and being the hands and feet that can meet people where they are and bring them to Christ. The last thing you want is to release her to life not introduced to the perils, distractions and temptations she will face.  They need to know what these distractions are and what to do when confronted with them.

Their first 6570 days, and even up to 9125 days, is indeed their training ground.  You will share in their first 6570 more than anyone else will, use this to your advantage. 

Think about when you taught her to ride a bike....Lead from far ahead to give her vision and direction.  Teach from just in front of her to give them instruction on next steps.  Guide by her side for the small missteps as needed.  Share to create connection.  Love always.

“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” – Proverbs 22:6