The Leadership of Letting Her Struggle
It’s so hard, isn’t it?
If we’re honest, this might be one of the hardest parts of loving and leading her well.
Because you know this is true:
Some of the most impactful lessons in your life came through struggle.
But that doesn’t make it any easier to watch your daughter walk through her own.
As a mom, mentor, and coach, I walk through struggles with young women every day—often multiple times a day.
And if I’m honest…
I want to rescue them.
Every time.
But this is their story.
And someone once told me:
“You can’t save someone from their testimony.”
As much as you want to.
Last week, I watched a mom walk through this in real time.
Her 18-year-old made a series of poor choices and ended up being arrested.
And that mom made the incredibly difficult decision to leave her there overnight.
Not because she didn’t love her.
But because she did.
She knew that rescuing her immediately would soften the weight of the moment—and this was a moment her daughter needed to feel.
That mom was a mess.
But she chose long-term formation over short-term comfort.
That is leadership.
We live in a world where struggle is unavoidable.
But Scripture reminds us in Romans 8:28 that God can use all of it for good.
So how does struggle actually shape her?
- Struggle builds resilience
Growth requires resistance.
Just like a butterfly must struggle to strengthen its wings, she needs resistance to build the strength she will carry into adulthood.
Without it, she may never develop the capacity to handle what’s ahead.
- Struggle redirects
Years ago, our family evacuated for a hurricane.
After weeks away, we were finally heading home—exhausted and ready to be back.
Less than an hour away, we hit a roadblock.
We had to turn around and take a longer route.
It felt frustrating.
Unnecessary.
Until we later learned the road ahead had been washed out.
What felt like a setback… was actually protection.
Sometimes struggle isn’t stopping her.
It’s redirecting her.
- Struggle creates dependence
There will come a point in her life where her strength, her knowledge, and her ability are not enough.
And that is not failure.
That is where faith deepens.
That is where she learns to trust Jesus in a way she never would have otherwise.
She needs to trust God in her growth.
- Struggle builds character
The most impactful people you will ever meet are not the ones who had easy lives.
They are the ones who walked through difficulty—and grew because of it.
They have been in the trenches and know how to climb out.
They serve because they know what it is like to need to be served.
They love big because they have needed love and they give mercy and grace because they have received it.
Struggle has the potential to build compassion, strength, humility, and wisdom…
If it is not removed too quickly or lingers too long.
This is why we lead them through.
Romans 5:3–4 says,
“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”
Suffering leads to perseverance which leads to character that leads to hope.
There is purpose in the pain.
Purpose in the detour.
Purpose in the struggle.
And as hard as it is…
Part of leading her well is allowing her to experience some of it.
Because if she never struggles…
Where will she learn perseverance?
What will her character be built on?
Where will her hope come from?
This is the leadership no one applauds.
But it is the leadership that shapes her future.
