The Leadership of Boundaries
Somewhere scattered in the spring of 2018 our family visited the Grand Canyon. While the views were breathtaking and the experience was priceless, our unexperienced selves were not prepared for 3 important lessons we were about to learn that day.
- The temperature drastically changes going up to the canyon ridge. We were all comfortable in the dry Arizona heat, but quickly turned ice cold when we stepped out of the van. By the time we left, all six of us were outfitted with brand new Grand Canyon fleece jackets from the remote gift shop conveniently located at the top of the trail, undoubtedly stocked with various overpriced coats for novices like us.
- The pressure change was expected, but the degree to which it changed was drastic and abrupt leaving me with one of the most intense migraines I have ever experienced… and unfortunately, I have a lot of migraines to compare it to. This made for a miserable first half of the hike that I impressively masked with prescribed mom smiles and wincing exclamations of “wow” as we passed marked lookouts.
- There were NO provided boundaries between the trail and the fall that was between you and the bottom of the canyon. It was completely up to us to not only keep ourselves, but our four young and curious daughters back from the edge that was looming a mere 12 feet away on a 2.5 mile hike. WE had to create the boundaries. If we didn’t, the consequences would be unimaginable and completely life changing.
As moms and mentors to teen daughters we come face to face with countless necessary boundaries that need to be taught and practiced. From looking both ways on the road, riding a bike, curfews, budgets, driving, dating, academics, sports and so many more areas. She needs to learn how to have boundaries around her time, her faith, her body, and her heart. Not because we want to control her…But because we are training her to protect what matters most.
Boundaries are not restrictions meant to hold her back.
They are protection meant to guide her forward.
And learning to stay within them doesn’t happen automatically.
It takes time.
It takes repetition (especially with developing brains).
It takes leadership.
Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
This is true. Our hearts do rule the playing field, but that doesn’t mean we are puppets on the end of its strings, this is a call to train our heart to seek out what is good and right.
To build healthy boundaries, we need to:
- Discern where they are needed
- Establish them clearly
- Maintain them consistently — with wisdom and flexibility
This work is not easy.
It is taxing.
It is repetitive.
It is often met with resistance.
And it rarely gets applause.
But you are not just setting rules. You are training her to protect her own life, her own heart, and her own future.
One day, she will stand on the boundaries you helped her build.
And she will be stronger because of them.
Keep going.
